Things Most People Don’t Know About Me

1) I have never had a haircut that was not under duress.

2) When I clip my fingernails, I leave one thumbnail long (alternating each time) so that I can always peel an orange if I need to.

3) I don’t like Russian novels, but I like the names of Russian novelists.  Check it out: Alexander Solzhenitzyn.  Isn’t that a great name?

4) If you ever see me list three attributes for anything, there’s about a 30% chance I don’t actually believe the third one but felt that two wasn’t enough things to say.

5) Despite my best efforts, I have only sung karaoke once, about 8 years ago, over international waters.  “My best efforts” include trawling both Chinatown *and* the gay district of San Fransisco.

6) I prefer to get my information from listening to people talk about the news rather than listening to the news itself.

7) The site stats tell me that nobody’s read my blog at all for the last week, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why that might be.

8) Whenever I hear or need to say or write the number 8 in Hebrew, I have to count up from 7 in my head to make sure I’m thinking of the right number.

9) #7 isn’t true, but everything else is.

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7 Responses to Things Most People Don’t Know About Me

  1. Carlos says:

    When you say #7 isn’t true, do you mean that people HAVE read your blog in the past week or that you for the life of you, can think of why that may be?

    If it’s the latter, I would say it’s because you haven’t posted any updates on facebook. That’s how I hear about new Itai posts for the reading :-)

    • fishamaphone says:

      Congratulations! You are the 777th view for this blog!

      To clarify: one or two people have read the blog, but I know why nobody else did. It turns out that nobody consumes content if it isn’t produced in the first place.

  2. Wafnaabroad says:

    and here I was going to say “my excuse for number 7 is that your blog posts get forwarded to my e-mail.” but then it turned out not to be true.

    Scoundrel!

  3. Ido says:

    1. Define “duress”, please. And no, “being ordered to report to a military barber in order to pass inspection” is too obvious an answer, smartass.

    2. Not a bad idea, but If I tried doing that, my head would explode within a week.

    3. Eh. I prefer James Joyce – sounds like a closeted cross-dresser in the vein of Victor\Victoria.

    4. I’ll keep that in mind for the next time you say that I’m a great guy, smart and really fun to be around.

    5. You do realize that, technically speaking, every time you sing without getting paid or as part of an event qualifies as karaoke, right? Go sing in the shower or something.

    6. Ditto. But sometimes we don’t have that luxury, and those are the times I get really worried.

    7. I don’t believe that.

    8. I count stairs, but only when I’m climbing them.

    9. See? I was right.

    • fishamaphone says:

      1. Duress: my mom saying “I will not have you at Seder Pesach looking like that,” or “you cannot start a school year looking like that.” Alternatively, minimum of a week wherein half of my office keeps giving me not-so-subtle warnings about mem-tzadikim.

      4. Just make sure to consider in your calculations that there’s a 70% chance I actually *do* believe you’re really fun to be around.

      5. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not karaoke if you don’t have a crappy midi version of the song backing you.

      9. I’m very proud of you.

  4. Appa's Friend says:

    I like the names of remote Norwegian islands.

  5. Pingback: Old People | Fiction, Almost Fiction, and Fact

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