I don’t think it’s presumptuous of me to say that I’ve sacrificed a lot by being in this country. If a conversation turns in that direction, I’ll freely come up with a list of things that I’ve missed out on because I chose to live here. I know that I’ve gained a lot by living here as well, and usually it’s just complaining for the fun of complaining, but there have been a few occasions, less than a handful, when I really have wished I hadn’t moved here, when whatever I’ve missed feels more important. That’s only when something happens to a friend or a family member over there, and I’m stuck over here, unable to do anything.
I’ve been expecting this for over a week, but I didn’t want my first post here after the long drought to be quite so heavy, and I’m glad I got in two silly posts before now. It also gave me time to collect my thoughts a bit.
Some time towards the beginning of last week my grandfather’s kidneys began to fail, and some time last night, under the care of Hospice, he passed away.
And I’m stuck here on the other side of the planet.
From another perspective, things are very fortunate. The rest of the immediate family is down in Florida, and a lot of the extended family is currently on their way. I’m really the only missing piece in the puzzle, which is pretty decent.
But here I am, the lone missing piece from a puzzle being put together 7,000 miles away. There’s nobody in this country that knew him well enough that I can really talk to them about it. And, although I have been planning to go to Florida in about a month, there’s been really no way for me to bump those plans forward.
But, as implied above, this isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with these kinds of issues. And this time is a lot easier. The week of warning helped. The fact that it’s right after a play ended, as opposed to right before finals started, helped too. I’m in a much stabler place now than I was then, not to mention being five years more mature. I’m going to be able to deal with this and not have it affect me.
But it’s still not fair.
There are a lot of things I want to get out, and I’m not entirely sure how I want to go about doing that. This post is a start. Self-therapy. But some time over the next few days, over the next week, over the next month, I’m going to have to figure out how I want to handle this.