How to Write an Original Story

This is a process that I thought of as a result of a recent comment I made on Facebook.  This is a flawless method to consistently produce completely original works.

Step 1)

Take a pre-existing story.  Embellish it, adding elements and removing elements, but maintaining the same basic plot outline.

EXAMPLE (Disney’s “The Little Mermaid”):

There’s a girl named… uh… her name is Mariel, right? But she’s a mer–, uh, zombie. Right, a merzombie who’s in love with a prince named… Merrick. Merrick, however, is a hu–, er he’s a huge cyclops, and the cyclops is the natural enemy of the merzombie, so their love can never be. So Mariel goes to see the mer-sea-zombie-witch, who casts a spell turning her into a cylops for three, wait no, for FOUR days, in which time she has to get Merrick to ki– I mean, to kill Odysseus, or else she turns back into a merzombie forever.

Step 2)

Take another pre-existing story.  Repeat.

EXAMPLE (Disney’s “Aladdin”):

Baladdin is a street ra- er, a street rapper who falls in love with a pri- um, a priestess.  Now, a priestess and a street rapper can’t co-mingle, obviously.  It’s not acceptable.  So Baladdin goes out in search of the magic la- um, the magic llama, which holds the magic… beanie.  The beanie will give whoever holds the llama three, er, fishes.  Baladdin uses the fishes to make himself look like a prince.  I mean, to make himself look like the artist formerly known as Prince, and uses this disguise to win the heart of the priestess.

Step 3)

Make her open the box.  Wait, that doesn’t sound right.  Let me try again.

Step 3)

Remove all elements from the original stories.  Combine what remains.  Elements common to both stories can stay, for some reason.

EXAMPLE:

There once was a rapping zombie who fell in love with a cyclops priestess, but their love could never be.  The rapping zombie then set out to find the zombie llama that possessed a magic beanie that gave him four fishes.  The rapping zombie used these fishes to convince the cyclops priestess to hunt down and kill Odysseus.  While she was doing this, the zombie serenaded her with songs by the artist formerly known as Prince, winning her heart.

I just want to note: I said it would be an original story.  I didn’t make any guarantees that it would be good.

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